


day 30: in silence and in shouting

by halfwheeze



Series: thirty ways to wreck a train [30]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Reincarnation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 13:19:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14261853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwheeze/pseuds/halfwheeze
Summary: When the man finally sees him across the office party’s lively scene, he smiles. His eyes light up. He’s walking over, so sure and steady and Ryan can’t breathe.





	day 30: in silence and in shouting

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is day thirty of our 30-day series! it's all over, kids! i hope you've enjoyed this as much as i have tried to!
> 
> day thirty is different ways to say i love you! hope you enjoy!

Reincarnation doesn’t get enough of a good rep, but Ryan can imagine that it doesn’t - not everyone even knows it’s real, and Ryan can’t imagine  _ everyone  _ knows what’s going on right now. Last life, at the very least, he didn’t remember all of his past lives, but he does right now, so he knows who he is looking at. Every single life he’s ever had, he’s fallen in love with a man who looks the same, whether they got to spend their lives together or not. He thinks he looks relatively the same too, even if somethings do change for the both of them. Every single time though, without fail, he loses his breath looking at this man for the first time, completely unable to form a single word in his mouth. He’s so tall and his smile colors his eyes this life, and it didn’t a couple of lives ago and he’s even prettier now and Ryan adores him. Already, he loves him quiet. 

In the 1920’s, he was Ricky Goldsworth, a man who did not remember his lives and did not know who the tall buffoon in the suit was. He thinks CC knew exactly who the two of them were, and now, Ryan is so sorry for Ricky pushing CC away. He’s sorry for the words and the unkindness, but not sorry for how they ended up; CC Tinsley was happy as a mob wife, even if it took him a while to get there. Ricky used to give CC little kisses when he thought CC was asleep, but Ryan knows well enough that the other was awake in retrospect. Ricky never could love all at once. He remembers CC in suits and shifts of black and white, like it was long enough ago that even the memories can no longer be found in color. He wonders if the man knows him now, or if Ryan is destined to live the same kind of life as CC had, in which he is to live out being enamored with someone who will never know to love him in the same way. It isn’t always that way. 

In the 1940’s, they were soldiers, the man who used to be CC on the Polish army while Ryan’s own 40’s era self was American. He never got to learn CC’s name in that era, but he saw the way his eyes lit up before he was shot down. The sparse contact was enough for him to know that the other soldier remembered all of their lives and still loved him, even after what Ricky Goldsworth had been, and Ryan couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand the lovely look and the death so soon after, needed to see that man again because nothing made sense without him Ryan gave himself to a suicide mission not that long afterwards. 

In the 70’s, Ryan doesn’t think either of them remembered. There was no light of recognition or sad pining, but rather a happy friendship that was only ever that: a friendship. There were held hands and grins, but homosexuality still had a big stigma on it; they ignored any feelings that were there and remained friends, silent love floating between them like falling snow. They both married women and lived a rather long time, though he remembers his best friend passing first, and Ryan’s only just getting to be twenty five again now. He’s only just getting to meet his soulmate again. He thinks they’re soulmates, at least - it’s the only reality that makes any kind of sense to him, though he imagines it wouldn’t sit well with anyone who hadn’t experienced the lives he had. When the man finally sees him across the office party’s lively scene, he smiles. His eyes light up. He’s walking over, so sure and steady and Ryan can’t breathe. 

“Shane Madej,” his Shane says, just so breathless as Ryan feels, and he’s holding out a hand for Ryan to shake. Shane’s eyes are so bright and pretty and he’s so close and Ryan just wants to kiss him, he hasn’t kissed Shane since 1929 and all he can think about is the taste of gunpowder and blood, and he wants to taste the mint chapstick that he can smell on Shane’s mouth. He must be gaping like a fish out of water by the time he remembers to speak, because Shane is definitely doing his level best not to laugh at him. His level best, mind you, isn’t very good, but it’s an attempt. Ryan takes his Shane’s hand and just holds it rather than taking any motion of it, and Shane’s smile gets softer. 

“Ryan Bergara. I think we have some talking to do,” Ryan introduces, finally adding some motion to their handshake, and Shane’s smile slides into grin territory. Shane remembers, Shane definitely remembers, Shane knows that he’s Ryan’s and that Ryan is his and that everything will be level again. Shane pulls him into one of the hallways off to the side, taking him to the stairwell where they’ll have a private place. He seems to have the same ideas as Ryan, because his lips press against Ryan’s almost before he can breathe, crowding him against the side of the staircase. Ryan pulls away and cups his face. 

“I haven’t kissed you since 1929,” Shane whispers, and his hands are running so slowly through Ryan’s hair, and his eyes are so reverent. “I love you. I love you so much. I loved you as CC and I loved you as Florian and I loved you last time and I love you now and I’ll love you again. Fuck. We both remember. We both remember,” Shane chokes out, and he captures every single emotion caught in Ryan’s windpipe, beautiful and clean. Ryan pulls him close and just holds him, pushing Shane’s face against Ryan’s own collarbone, which Shane seems to take gratefully, breathing in as much of Ryan as he can. Ryan had been nervously changing clothes and putting on cologne to meet his  _ coworkers  _ today, having no idea he’d be holding his soulmate as close as he’s held him since Hoover was president. 

“I’m gonna treat you right. I’m so sorry for Ricky - he didn’t know what was going on, and I’ll treat you right, Shane, I promise,” Ryan rambles, speaking into Shane’s hair as quietly as he can manage. Shane pulls away from him slightly to look Ryan in the eye, smiling ever so slightly as he holds Ryan’s face again. 

“Ry, Ricky treated me, treated CC, fine. He brought him flowers and told him he looked pretty when they were just sitting around, and trust me, CC loved him. You’ll treat me right, baby. And I’m gonna treat you right. No more hetero 70’s bullshit - we’re goin’ all out, this time. I’m gonna put a ring on this shit and take you to Disneyland and tell people you’re mine. You’re mine, right?” Shane asks, nosing along the side of Ryan’s face like it’s not really a question, but Ryan can feel how his hands shake. 

“I’ll be yours for as many lives as we get, so long as you’ll always be mine,” Ryan answers, pressing a kiss to Shane’s cheek and pulling him to the side so that he can land a proper one on his mouth. Shane smiles into it and then Ryan smiles into it and they’re really just smiling against each other’s mouths, so happy to have found each other that neither of them can hardly stand it. 

“I’m gonna treat you right,” Ryan whispers, pressing another kiss to Shane’s mouth as soft as he can manage. 

“You really are.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a prompt @halfwheeze on tumblr, and I'll get to it when I can!
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this one and the series as a whole in the comments, please!


End file.
